The (mostly) Fun Side of Music - December - January 2020

New year, new band? Yes. I’m also veggie now, but I promised I wouldn’t preach about that. After inducting ‘stress’ as my favourite word over the course of the last few months of 2019 I’ve had a spirit-lifting boost of positive experiences that have re-vitalised my love for music and the live scene.

Darker Shadows, Brighter Horizons

Before I get into the [beyond] meat and potatoes of my recent endeavours I would like to discuss something that has been a big part of my life, and something you don’t always see on the surface level of music, and don’t worry, it will get much more positive after this. It’s to do with the bogeyman known as ‘Mental Health’, as it affects everyone on some level whether you’re aware of it or not.

In my personal experience I find that my state of mind severely impacts my motivation to work, play or to even get up in the morning. Music is something that demands your entire soul, and I don’t mean in the style of a cool trade at a crossroads with a horned figure wielding a spikey guitar. To create a piece of art that you pour your time, money and love (and/or hate) into only for it to have the overwhelming potential to fall flat on its metaphoric face in the wake of the sky-high brick wall that is the dread-filled combination of the music industry and the public ear is nothing less than, well, soul-crushing. It is an unrelenting uphill battle, but we do it because of the sheer joy it can bring to us and audiences, and it’s something that I’ve been battling with for as long as I can remember.

I think it is of utmost importance for the general listener to have a basic grasp of what goes into even a single track, especially for bands and artists who are just starting out and, because it is such a large part of a musician’s life, it is something I would like to share more about in the future. It is completely normal to feel stressed about your career and, in my personal experience, the best remedy for it is to create something that you’re proud of. There are going to be slow times, troughs in productivity and shows where no one turns up, but that’s just part of the experience and if you want it badly enough; grit your teeth, learn from your mistakes and look after your health, because without people like you our music would all be the manufactured bullsh*t that you see on TV. Rant over, I’ll go back to being less serious for your free amusement.

Being a Real Musician

Before Christmas I received a message completely out of the blue from a local singer asking me to join her band who I had seen play a couple of times and was actually friends with a couple of the members already. This took me by surprise as we’d only played a couple of gigs with our new line-up in Guerrilla and, while I was orchestrating most of it, I tended to have a quieter stage presence. Not only did they pick me out specifically, but I was asked to play guitar; something I haven’t done in a live band in maybe a year.

I was nervous as my previous attempts to join already on-going bands had been unsuccessful, but I was determined to give it a try, if not for my degree then for my self-esteem. One of the reasons this appealed to me so much was that, in the two and a half years that I’ve been at a music college, I have found it impossibly hard to get new projects off the ground due to various factors, so something that was already up and running, with gigs and releases planned was a guaranteed way into the scene and this is all I had wanted when I moved to this city to study music. Imagine moving to a new city, full of new opportunities and musicians, where 90% of the people you meet are too lazy to make one rehearsal a week; that is BIMM. Of course, I said yes, and it is possibly the best decision I’ve made since being here.

Rock and Roll

Not only are the Katie Elizaa crew talented as heck but they’re also a really lovely bunch and, to my amazement, were very impressed with how I handled the task of learning the tracks. I’m sat in my living room writing this because I’m too excited to sleep yet as we have a headline gig tomorrow (17th) and all our friends are coming. For the first time in forever my (guitar) pedalboard sounds great, I’m happy with my technical ability and I’m not stressed about the likelihood of the project having a future. The reason the first paragraph is so relevant is because this is the best remedy I have had for my stress in possibly my entire time in Manchester as I feel comfortable and proud of what I’ve achieved, and to say I’m looking forward to the future is an understatement.

Enlightenment

As much as I’ve enjoyed playing bass and writing for Guerrilla, picking up a six-string for another project has left me wanting to play more and has sort-of levered me out of this seemingly never-ending rut that I have been firmly wedged in for over a year and has given me a reason to practice. I’ve also finally accepted that playing scales to a click and learning the ins-and-outs of keys and chords is just not for me, and that it is perfectly fine for me to be studying for a degree in music without actually wanting to be a ‘professional musician’ on BIMM’s terms.

Again, this epiphany has allowed me accept who I am as a musician and artist and I feel infinitely better about my abilities and future career, looking towards new horizons that don’t include teaching or studio sessions, because neither of which interest me in the slightest, and spending my time working towards them has done nothing but kill and urinate on the grave of my passion for music. I posted a video to my Instagram story of my progress with a song that I had been learning for a while (Illumo by Toska for anyone interested) and I received loads of positive feedback and compliments on my playing which, again, stunned me.

Small compliments go such a long way, especially when it’s something that you have put a lot of time and energy into. Being surrounded by amazing musicians often results in my work being critiqued, which is by no means a bad thing as it leads to improvement, but I realised that it is actually very rare that I receive straight-up compliments, which can be very depressing to think about when you consider the amount of effort that goes into learning an instrument. As much as I appreciate honesty and constructive criticism, being bombarded by it can really start to chip away at self-esteem; something I already have enough problems with.

This Has Effectively Been One Big Rant

I’ll sum up this post by saying that I’ve pretty much written this parallel to my thought process instead of planning each paragraph and topic, so if you like this format please do let me know as it is much more personal and feels like my voice rather than another faceless wall of text on the internet. Despite what I said before about criticism I am completely open to it as, obviously, I want to improve and the most effective way for that to come about is for me to tailor my work towards an audience and written/journalistic standards. I only briefly touched on the happenings with Guerrilla and that’s because it has been slow progress recently, but we have a new drummer being cultivated and plans for the next few months so fresh fruit shall be bore. I look forward to hearing from you, big love as usual, keep your ears peeled/unblocked/open.