WAP To The Future - Writer Feature
Words and illustrations by Emma Doyle - @emma.j.doyle / @slowrom_ance on Instagram.
According to Bronx-born stripper-turned-rapper-of-the-decade Cardi B in her latest release ‘WAP’, “There’s some hoes in this house” - although I have yet to stumble across one of these favoured farming instruments of yore within the walls of my cosy student lease in the Manchester suburbs. Is the suggestion therefore that myself and my two housemates qualify based simply on the inescapable facts that we are under the age of thirty, female-identifying and (relatively speaking - lest we forget the current pandemic) sexually active?
Yes, I suppose it is. But what constitutes a hoe? How is it that the singular act of feminine existence and, god forbid, the occasional mention of sexual desire is rewarded with a cattle brand of ’S L U T’ across our foreheads? Being sex- positive as a single woman seems to carry with it the expectation of an abundance of public gyrating and posturing, especially in the pressure-cooker environment of social media - how far exactly does this go in proving to other women while they’re trying to squeeze themselves into the mould of Virgin Madonna that it’s not the only socially acceptable model? I’m hoping to get answers to some of these in something of a cross-examination of emerging female talent in the music industry over the last couple of years as well as the birth of WAP- and here I am talking about the concept/community/dominion of Women Against Patriarchy - which has started to shed its initial esoteric shell from a digital conception to become the word hanging off every clued-up millennial’s lips, along with all of its homonym’s moist connotations.
Allow me to wade straight in (sorry) by firstly saying this: whether this song, or any song for that matter, has been written purportedly with the intention of transforming female sexuality into a commodity and allowing the artist to make capital of the insatiable male gaze, is entirely down to the individual prerogative of an artist and shouldn’t require the blessing of an external commentator. And how far-reaching is its positive effect of encouraging women to be transparent when asserting their sexual presence? I can tell you, very bloody far. As well as Wet Ass Pussy, WAP is a more commonly used acronym for Women Against Patriarchy. Most frequently this has manifested in the form of high-profile female performers taking ownership of their sexuality in order to use it as a marketing feature for their creative outlets, a business venture which men have adopted as their own invention for decades.
While one woman promotes her work in this way, she can also uplift and encourage other women in pursuits of the same nature, which Cardi demonstrates by using this double-edged sword. Not only is it finally making men and women alike pay attention, it’s updating the current model of feminism we’ve become comfortable following.
It is perhaps humorous, then, that we have recently had the basics of feminism mansplained to us by professional gobshite Russel Brand, after formulating his personal analysis of WAP (the song). In a characteristically inane YouTube
ramble, Brand ponders whether women really achieve equality by “aspiring to and replicating values that have already been established by men” rather than the “conventional female values of nurture and care”. In his opinion, however, being “oddly un-maternal” made Margaret Thatcher a “brilliant politician” and was undeniably “spellbound” by what he notes is the “potency of female sexuality” after watching the WAP music video and kindly taking the time to define the parameters within which we must all collectively aspire to an assemblage of joint societal goals (which he did not kindly disclose).
I’ve already peppered this argument with a substantial number of quotes from Brand’s original video, but even cherry-picking my favourite nuggets of wisdom fails to illustrate the length and effortlessness with which he can speak out of his arse. May I briefly remind you that this is the same man who has received a hat trick of the Sun newspaper’s ‘Shagger of the Year’ awards, boasted about sleeping with three women in a single afternoon for the gratification it bred and in 2008 demonstrated live on air how, at the end of the day, you just can’t polish a turd - by leaving a string of sexually explicit voice recordings on the phone of actor Andrew Sachs in which he and fellow certified pillock Jonathan Ross described the nature of Brand’s relationship with Sachs’ granddaughter. All the while he continues with his performative personality overhaul and simultaneously sports a daringly low-cut scoop neck (or is it a cowl-neck?) shirt which does nothing to support his points but an excellent job of showing off a vast landscape of designer-stubbled and lightly oiled décolletage. For as long as it is considered an absence of dignity and self-respect for women to do exactly the same, this will remain a personal affront.
Another male figure of contention within the conservative debate is American political commentator Ben Shapiro, who also saw it appropriate to impose his views on the subject of WAP upon an audience of what I can only assume were other men who had found themselves trapped in the confines of a seriously stale marriage. Aside from his visual discomfort at being faced with watching Cardi B and collaborator Megan Thee Stallion writhe over and around each other while rubbing their genitals as part of a titillating dance routine, arguably the funniest part of the whole ordeal was Shapiro’s complete aversion to the word pussy, substituting it instead with “P-word”.
I haven’t yet used the word ‘pussy’ much myself in this piece for no other reason than I will be using it in excess from this point onwards. In my mind, saying pussy in place of vagina does nothing to decrease the word’s functional value. In fact surely saying pussy is far less childlike and laughable than replacing the word ‘penis’ with ‘willy’, ‘todger’ or ‘meat' and two veg’ for the sake of sparing your audience the humiliation. So why then, do two adult women describing the physical traits of their pussies and their natural lubrication offend one adult man so greatly that he’s provoked into launching a pathetic attempt at a public attack? Shapiro is quick to express his sympathy for what is in his words “a serious gynaecological condition” or a “clinical prolapse” (which, by the way, makes no sense), all the while upholding
his disdain for a conversation celebrating female genitalia.
If being proud of how my vagina performs in a healthy and desired manner prior to sexual intercourse means I’m a slut, then I’m more than happy to label myself with that noun in the same way I’ll unflinchingly refer to my pussy. The tipping point for me was when at a particularly suggestive shot in the music video, Shapiro throws up his hands and in a typically obvious American way of using sarcasm and cries “THIS is what feminists have fought for”.
I would be lying if I told you that at this point I almost couldn’t contain the urge I had to clap my hands together with joy. Ben, darling, I have to address you directly here - this is EXACTLY what feminists have been fighting for. The chance for their sexual desires to be considered equally valid to those of men. The opportunity to audaciously plaster female sexuality across the platform they’ve been provided with, exempt from the immediate threat of (major) censorship. Not bad for a man who bears an uncanny resemblance to Peewee Herman and has a voice just as grating. However it’s a huge disservice to Cardi and Megan that, as two women of colour, their race is not so much as mentioned in passing in either critique.
For as far back as written history goes, black women have been the butt of lewd jokes, degraded and wrongfully sexualised without a single word in the matter by majority white males. To see two undoubtedly striking black, female figures practicing autonomy so brazenly is thus something to be revered rather than frowned upon. The issue of race was not something which escaped hyper- feminine East Coast crooner Lana Del Rey, however, which brings me to my next point of how envious women can be so confusingly vicious.
If you would like to continue reading, find the full article over on Emma's brand new blog; Slowrom-ance
All work shown here was written and researched by Emma Doyle, debuted on her own site but featured on the Straightforward blog with her permission.